To become a 'whole me', I must face the 'shadow within' me [Healthy Hankyoreh]

As the MBTI and TCI personality and temperament tests become more common in daily life, many people are becoming curious about themselves. What does it mean to truly know oneself? Is it merely knowing what we like or dislike, recognizing our strengths and weaknesses, or analyzing ourselves based on MBTI results? While these are all parts of self-exploration, the introspection in a counseling session is more comprehensive.

There exists an idea called '조하리의 창,' which refers to the fact that although we know ourselves, others know us, and yet there is still a part of us that we have yet to discover. This realization itself is not problematic; the difficulty arises when the gap between the self-we-know and the self-others-know becomes too wide. For example, one might view oneself as attentive to others, but others may see them as overly intrusive.

In such cases, the words of those who misunderstand us may reveal hidden aspects of ourselves that we have yet to recognize. Sometimes, we are confronted with the 'unacknowledged self' we wish not to face. Carl Jung referred to this as 'shadows.' Traditionally, shadows are associated with negativity such as aggression, jealousy, and competitiveness.

However, shadows can also embody positive traits like ambition, leadership, and confidence. The key is not the positivity or negativity of the shadow, but rather its refusal to be denied. When someone believes they must be a good person, anger can become a shadow. Similarly, emotions and desires pushed away can unexpectedly manifest in relationships, much like unacknowledged anger.

Therefore, self-understanding is not simply a matter of defining oneself as "who I am." It is not even a quest for a new self. Rather, it is a process of connecting the parts of ourselves we know, the self others perceive, and the self we have worked hard to suppress. Perhaps self-understanding is akin to piecing together the scattered fragments of our identity.

Consider asking yourself some questions about yourself. How do others perceive you, and why does their portrayal sometimes feel particularly unfair or uncomfortable? Who is the person who most irks you? What message does this portrayal convey to you? What emotions do I find hardest to acknowledge? Is there a particular portrayal of myself that I refuse to allow?