Can you tell your neighbors to keep it down during sex?

The film The Invite, directed by and starring Olivia Wilde, delves into the dynamics between Joe (Seth Rogen) and Angela (Olivia Wilde) and their upstairs neighbors, Pina (Penélope Cruz) and Hook (Edward Norton). The film examines intimacy and desire in long-term relationships, exploring the impact of encountering another couple and how such interactions can trigger insecurity, comparison, and emotional upheaval.

In real life, people often question whether it's acceptable to tell their neighbors about loud sex. Dr. Irit Kleiner Paz, a clinical psychologist and head of Tel Aviv University's psychoanalytic couples therapy program, explains that it is legally permissible to complain about loud moaning but that the reaction misses an important psychological aspect.

The real issue, according to Dr. Kleiner Paz, is not the noise itself but the feeling of suppression. People might feel that hearing other couples' intimate moments reminds them that there is "other sex" out there, leading to feelings of jealousy or inadequacy. Instead of confronting their neighbors, they may simply close windows, use earplugs, or create a barrier to protect themselves.

Dr. Kleiner Paz suggests that these situations often stem from a sense of jealousy or the need to suppress awareness of other people's sexual experiences. People may feel hurt that they were not invited to enjoy such intimate moments themselves, or they may long for a similar experience. However, responding by telling the neighbors to be quiet is seen as childish and unproductive.

The film highlights how encounters with other couples can be emotionally charged, as people often feel compelled to compare themselves to others. Couples live together but present idealized versions of their lives, while reality often involves children, chores, and daily routines. As couples age and new people enter their lives, they may feel the need to reassess their own worth and perception in the relationship.

Dr. Kleiner Paz notes that these encounters with other couples can lead to feelings of competition, jealousy, and curiosity. People often present their best selves to others, while hiding their true realities. Meeting other couples can be an opportunity for growth and learning, as it shows that there are different ways to navigate relationships and that life can be diverse and varied.

The impact of these encounters is not limited to heterosexual couples; they also affect same-sex relationships, as anyone can experience jealousy or comparison based on the sexual orientation of the individuals involved.