What is parentification and how can you heal from it?
Eve was an adult when she realised she grew up in a home where the child-adult relationships were reversed.
Parentification is a term used to describe a situation where children assume adult responsibilities within the family due to a parent's declining mental health or other issues. This often occurs during a child's school years, as in the case of Eve, who now 51, from Sydney/Gadigal lands. Eve's mother, suffering from severe depression, and her father, who became increasingly absent, left the siblings to manage household tasks, including cooking, laundry, cleaning, and even providing emotional support to their mother.
Eve herself became an emotional caretaker for her mother, who had experienced childhood sexual trauma, and was unaware of the term parentification until she became a social worker.
Parentification involves children taking on both emotional and practical responsibilities before they are developmentally or emotionally ready. Dr. Deirdre Brandner, a child and adolescent psychologist, explains that emotional parentification can be more damaging, as children act as their parents' confidants and emotional regulators. This can lead to the child being unable to express their struggles, fearing it might burden their parents further.
Experts suggest that up to one in three young people may experience emotional parentification, often unrecognized due to the child's perceived maturity and helpfulness. Signs of parentification can be subtle, as those affected might be seen as competent and capable. Dr. Sharman, a researcher in psychology, notes that the manifestation of parentification can vary based on age and severity, typically surfacing around late adolescence.
Eve's experiences illustrate the long-term effects of parentification, including difficulty in asserting boundaries, prioritizing personal needs, and forming healthy relationships. She credits her childhood for fostering empathy and has found success in her career in public mental health. However, recognizing parentification as a past experience is crucial for healing.
Seeking professional support, such as from a psychologist or counsellor, can be beneficial in processing these complex childhood experiences. Experts advise against repeating the same patterns of excessive expectations when raising one's own children.
Written by urgent.news from ABC News AU's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
