I moved abroad to reinvent my life. I forgot to change my dating habits.
I landed in Cape Verde and soon got myself into a classic situationship. Now I'm working to be true to myself and my needs.
Carmen Esselink moved to Cape Verde in search of a new start and adventure. However, she found herself staying put and dating the same type of people she had hoped to leave behind. After nine months in a relationship, she realized the partner was not ready for a committed relationship. Esselink then dated four other people, all emotionally unavailable partners, despite being in different locations.
One such relationship ended in a situationship that she realized was unhealthy, even though she rationalized it as a potential change in the future. The author reflects on her fear of not achieving the "happily ever after" she dreamed of and acknowledges the possibility of self-handicapping, where she creates obstacles to avoid facing her fears.
Today, she is in a new relationship with someone who shares similar traits, but she is cautious about repeating past patterns and fears.
Written by urgent.news from Business Insider's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
