{
  "id": 469437,
  "title": "Funny business: the quiet relationship killer hiding behind 'just kidding'",
  "url": "https://urgent.news/2026/08/03/funny-business-the-quiet-relationship-killer-hiding-behind-just",
  "topic": "culture",
  "section": "Culture",
  "published": "2026-08-03T23:33:10.000Z",
  "source": {
    "name": "Ynetnews Culture",
    "slug": "ynetnews-culture",
    "url": "https://www.ynetnews.com/culture/lifestyle/article/sjemmo6sfl"
  },
  "original_language": "en",
  "account": "Many couples find humor difficult to navigate in the context of romantic relationships. Dr. Shai Gelber, an expert in applied humor, warns against using jokes as a substitute for genuine apologies or empathy. He suggests a specific order: first understand the situation, then apologize if necessary, and only then employ humor.\n\nGelber points out that people have different thresholds for lightheartedness. Some seek humor during stress, while others prefer quiet. Understanding these differences is crucial for using humor appropriately. He also cautions against the desire to \"win\" with wit, as this often leads to humiliation rather than resolving conflicts.\n\nResearch indicates that humor can influence physiological responses during conflicts. It can help shift from a defensive state to one where individuals can think, listen, and communicate. Positive emotions, such as joy and laughter, broaden cognitive abilities, making it easier to find solutions, show empathy, and think creatively.\n\nGelber emphasizes that humor should not be seen as a shortcut to resolving conflicts. It creates the conditions necessary for conflict resolution. The difference between \"laughing at\" and \"laughing with\" someone is significant. Laughing at someone positions them as the butt of the joke, creating a power dynamic and diminishing their self-esteem. Laughing with someone, on the other hand, shifts the focus to shared experiences and creates a sense of partnership.\n\nShared laughter has been found to increase feelings of closeness and satisfaction in relationships. Even subtle moments of laughter, like a private joke between partners, can signal that they are still on the same side, helping to maintain the connection. However, Gelber warns against viewing humor as a quick fix for relationship problems. It is a tool that can facilitate communication and understanding, but it does not replace genuine effort and empathy in resolving conflicts.",
  "summary": "An applied-humor expert explains why shared laughter can defuse conflict and deepen intimacy, while sarcasm, bad timing and jokes at a partner’s expense can erode trust",
  "key_points": [],
  "editors_take": null,
  "illustration": null,
  "coverage": {
    "outlets": 1,
    "also_reported_by": []
  },
  "ai_generated": true,
  "disclaimer": "Summaries, key points and the editor’s take are written by software from other outlets’ reporting and may contain errors — always check the linked original."
}